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August 2019 - Published!

Updated: Jan 9

On the 13th August I received a phone call from my 10 year old son. 'Dad, a parcel has arrived. I think it is the book.' I said 'Do you want to open it?' Then seconds later I heard 'it is incredible'. I didn't manage to return home until 10pm and found my son asleep in bed with the book by his side. It makes all that hard work worthwhile. Although there is still time for one last check before the 26th August publishing date.

As it turns out, my book will be quickly moving to a second edition as the Meningitis Research Foundation have now checked the content and would like their symbol to be on the front cover with the word 'supporting' before it. I think this means that they have checked it and are happy it isn't sexist, racist or homophobic, but the word 'supporting' rather than 'representing' means the book is still allowed to insult Northerners, Southerners, West Midlanders, Man Utd fans, Forest fans, Aussies, Scots, myself, my family, my friends and Donald Trump.


The first copies of the book will therefore go out this week before a quick pause to adjust the front cover and make the final amendments. These amendments include me managing to spell lightning as lightening - being struck by lightening is more of a successful crash diet than being hit from the heavens by a bolt. Also, instead of me saying I needed to: 'bear left down the track', I said I needed to: 'bare left down the track' (an image the publishers deemed nobody wanted in their head). Henceforth, I am naming the original version as the 'collectors edition' and the second version will be called 'Gerald'. The collectors edition will carry on being printed until Gerald is ready to take over.

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